About two months ago, I would have said that Silas was 50% potty trained. But today, now that the holidays are over, I would say he is only 30% potty trained. What happened? Well we were spoiled and got to spend a lot of time with family this holiday season. It was great for fun but bad for potty training! Silas got so laxed that he started having accidents more often. Then I got laxed and stopped checking with him to see if he needed to go. Today he will only use the potty when I make him, but will not tell me when he needs to go like he used to. The other probem lies in going poop. Last Sunday at church, he said he needed to go poop, my husband took him, and he actally went in the potty! (The first time ever!) I was all excited, thinking that he would start doing it more often, so far, he hasn't gone poop in the potty again.
So it turns out that nothing is working best for our family in this department, and I need some help from yours.
Elena
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
My Article on Motherhood
This is how it all started; if I were a columnist for a parenting magazine, my article would look something like this:
Maybe it’s just me, but lately I have been rather stressed as a mom. But it’s not exactly because my kids are going psycho or that I just don’t have seven hands and 52 hours in a day to get everything done. It has more to do with being judged—constantly! It seems to me that a mom has two options. She can be viewed as the “Hypochondriac Mom”. One who worries way too much, or rather “freaks out” because she takes her child to the doctor when he is sick, wants to know when there are recalls, tries to keep up on the latest “best practice”, and washes a binky after it falls on the floor so that her child isn’t eating dirt. Option two is to be viewed as the “Careless Mom” (borderline referral to social services). This is a mom who tries to keep herself composed in crisis situations rather than “freaking out”, says to herself, “it’s okay if he eats a few Cheerios off the floor”, doesn’t hover over a toddling child and allows him to get a few bumps as he learns to walk, and basically tries to pick her battles in order to keep her sanity.
Do you find yourself saying, “Hey I do some things in both of those categories!” Me too; but unfortunately every one judging us doesn’t realize that there could possibly be a third category, something like, “The In-between Lady Who Does What She Can For Her Kids, Makes A Few Mistakes, Isn’t Exactly Mother-of-the-Year but Still Loves Her Kids (who by the way are still alive and happy) Kind of Mom”. Sorry if I sound a lot angry and sarcastic, but I’m a little frustrated.
I’ll admit that I have seen or heard another mom do something and immediately filed away a judgment in my head. I don’t know why we feel the need to do that, but it happens. Let’s just remember, we never catch the entire story. For example, a child might just look at an outlet and her mother absolutely goes bezerk. I could see that and think, “Wow she is uptight.” But what I don’t know is that her younger brother was electrocuted by touching an outlet and she is now terrified of them. Is she still an “uptight mom”? No, she is just a “live and learn mom”…aren’t we all.
My next area of concern is that of advice. I don’t know if it’s just me, but my kids didn’t come with a “How-to Manual”. Fortunately for me, a lot of other people seemed to receive the “How-to Manual for Elena’s Kids” instead. I don’t mean that I’m not grateful for advice. In fact, I have consulted my mom and my mom-in-law many times, drawing on their experience, and they have helped me through many situations. I have had many conversations where friends, family members, doctors, and even complete strangers have offered wonderful solutions to my dilemmas, things I would have never thought of myself, or would have never read in a book. But then there are always those who give advice that I just need to nod my head and smile at.
Perhaps it’s the way in which advice is offered that irritates me. So many people seem to offer it in the form of “doctrine”. For example, the doctor tells me, “I don’t recommend that your child uses a walker because it will delay the development of muscles used for crawling, walking, and pulling one’s self upright.” I had to snicker in my head thinking, “My 6 ½ month old baby is already crawling, pulling himself up on things, and could be walking a lot sooner than I am ready for! Bring on the walker!” Maybe, I get irritated because people think that just because it worked for their child, it will be best for mine. Or maybe it’s because there is no continuity between books, doctors, or other sources that tell us what’s “best practice”. Take the use of a thermometer on infants. My doctor told me that until a child is four, it is only accurate to take a baby’s temperature rectally. Then my sister-in-law tells me that her doctor says rectally is not accurate, you should take it in their armpit. Has anyone else received conflicting advice?
I guess what I’m trying to say is, what works best for my second cousin’s great aunt’s sister’s grandbaby is not going to be what works best me, and what works best for me is not going to be what works best for you, and what works best for you is not going to be what works best for your neighbor. My friend Kelli used the phrase once, “This is what works best for our family.” I love it! Since then I have thought and used that phrase many times. Because what it’s really all about is what works best for your own family.
Please don’t think that I hate doctors, friends, family, advice, or being a mom! And please don’t think that if you’ve every given me advice, that I just nodded my head and smiled or that I am talking about you. What I’m saying is that we WORK HARD as mom’s! And people need to cut us some slack sometimes. And we shouldn’t stress out about what other people are doing, or what other people say we should be doing. We should do what works for our family. Please don’t stop giving advice to me or to anyone else. But if you are one who tends to preach “doctrinal advice”, try saying something like, “This is something that I tried, it might work for you.”
Now that I have gone off like a crazy person on my pet peeves about advice, I’d like to invite you to give some. Ironic, I know. I am starting a blog called, WHAT WORKS BEST FOR OUR FAMILY. It will be my source of venting, as well as a resource for me to get and give suggestions. Posts will have a “Mom Question” and readers can then reply with what has worked best for their family. With the comments, readers can then take it, leave it, change it, or just have a good laugh.
Maybe it’s just me, but lately I have been rather stressed as a mom. But it’s not exactly because my kids are going psycho or that I just don’t have seven hands and 52 hours in a day to get everything done. It has more to do with being judged—constantly! It seems to me that a mom has two options. She can be viewed as the “Hypochondriac Mom”. One who worries way too much, or rather “freaks out” because she takes her child to the doctor when he is sick, wants to know when there are recalls, tries to keep up on the latest “best practice”, and washes a binky after it falls on the floor so that her child isn’t eating dirt. Option two is to be viewed as the “Careless Mom” (borderline referral to social services). This is a mom who tries to keep herself composed in crisis situations rather than “freaking out”, says to herself, “it’s okay if he eats a few Cheerios off the floor”, doesn’t hover over a toddling child and allows him to get a few bumps as he learns to walk, and basically tries to pick her battles in order to keep her sanity.
Do you find yourself saying, “Hey I do some things in both of those categories!” Me too; but unfortunately every one judging us doesn’t realize that there could possibly be a third category, something like, “The In-between Lady Who Does What She Can For Her Kids, Makes A Few Mistakes, Isn’t Exactly Mother-of-the-Year but Still Loves Her Kids (who by the way are still alive and happy) Kind of Mom”. Sorry if I sound a lot angry and sarcastic, but I’m a little frustrated.
I’ll admit that I have seen or heard another mom do something and immediately filed away a judgment in my head. I don’t know why we feel the need to do that, but it happens. Let’s just remember, we never catch the entire story. For example, a child might just look at an outlet and her mother absolutely goes bezerk. I could see that and think, “Wow she is uptight.” But what I don’t know is that her younger brother was electrocuted by touching an outlet and she is now terrified of them. Is she still an “uptight mom”? No, she is just a “live and learn mom”…aren’t we all.
My next area of concern is that of advice. I don’t know if it’s just me, but my kids didn’t come with a “How-to Manual”. Fortunately for me, a lot of other people seemed to receive the “How-to Manual for Elena’s Kids” instead. I don’t mean that I’m not grateful for advice. In fact, I have consulted my mom and my mom-in-law many times, drawing on their experience, and they have helped me through many situations. I have had many conversations where friends, family members, doctors, and even complete strangers have offered wonderful solutions to my dilemmas, things I would have never thought of myself, or would have never read in a book. But then there are always those who give advice that I just need to nod my head and smile at.
Perhaps it’s the way in which advice is offered that irritates me. So many people seem to offer it in the form of “doctrine”. For example, the doctor tells me, “I don’t recommend that your child uses a walker because it will delay the development of muscles used for crawling, walking, and pulling one’s self upright.” I had to snicker in my head thinking, “My 6 ½ month old baby is already crawling, pulling himself up on things, and could be walking a lot sooner than I am ready for! Bring on the walker!” Maybe, I get irritated because people think that just because it worked for their child, it will be best for mine. Or maybe it’s because there is no continuity between books, doctors, or other sources that tell us what’s “best practice”. Take the use of a thermometer on infants. My doctor told me that until a child is four, it is only accurate to take a baby’s temperature rectally. Then my sister-in-law tells me that her doctor says rectally is not accurate, you should take it in their armpit. Has anyone else received conflicting advice?
I guess what I’m trying to say is, what works best for my second cousin’s great aunt’s sister’s grandbaby is not going to be what works best me, and what works best for me is not going to be what works best for you, and what works best for you is not going to be what works best for your neighbor. My friend Kelli used the phrase once, “This is what works best for our family.” I love it! Since then I have thought and used that phrase many times. Because what it’s really all about is what works best for your own family.
Please don’t think that I hate doctors, friends, family, advice, or being a mom! And please don’t think that if you’ve every given me advice, that I just nodded my head and smiled or that I am talking about you. What I’m saying is that we WORK HARD as mom’s! And people need to cut us some slack sometimes. And we shouldn’t stress out about what other people are doing, or what other people say we should be doing. We should do what works for our family. Please don’t stop giving advice to me or to anyone else. But if you are one who tends to preach “doctrinal advice”, try saying something like, “This is something that I tried, it might work for you.”
Now that I have gone off like a crazy person on my pet peeves about advice, I’d like to invite you to give some. Ironic, I know. I am starting a blog called, WHAT WORKS BEST FOR OUR FAMILY. It will be my source of venting, as well as a resource for me to get and give suggestions. Posts will have a “Mom Question” and readers can then reply with what has worked best for their family. With the comments, readers can then take it, leave it, change it, or just have a good laugh.
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